Usually 85-75. Sometimes 92. Used to be 155.

Breakfast: two pieces of milk chocolate, chocolate mousse, decaf iced lattee.





Quite a display. I always thought hanky panky is a funny English word.





Lunch: ramen with shrimp dempura on top.





Dinner: almond chicken salad. Dressing(oil and vinegar) I also ate some of my bf's killer Mac and cheese.

Watched Juno on oxygen today. I think I did find someone who thinks there's still sun shining out of my ass even when I'm ugly, in a bad mood, or in a good mood, or whatever. But.......I feel scared. I'm really happy i'm with him. But I feel really really scared that I have a responsibility to tell my parents about him. They will hate him. They will hate the person who really loves me and makes me happy.

This isn't fair. But there's really nothing I can do about it. Just like my brother said, I either have to abandon my parents, or myself. He abandoned himself. And my parents are still mean to him. Even meaner to him.

......idk what to do.

Grad school search is going ok. I just hope it proceeds a little faster. There's a good chance a large chunk of my applications are going to ny. The city full of rats and foul bathrooms and scary people and money and poor people. Oh also. I still love NYC.

Maybe I'll get into grad school. And I'll abandon my parents. And maybe they'll find a way to move on.

.....probably not.

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